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Feb 4, 2008 10:53 pm US/Eastern
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Dealing With Emotions Is Vital To A Child's Future
MIAMI (CBS4) ―
Parents send their children to school to learn the three r's; reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic, but something they are not taught may be setting them up for failure in the future.
Childhood experts agree that learning how to read and write, along with getting good grades is an important part of a child's education. Equally important is teaching children how to deal with their emotions.
In his book
Emotional Intelligence, author Daniel Goleman researched these ideas and found that those with a high IQ, but low emotional intelligence floundered.
"Children who aren't emotionally healthy can't learn as well. They are distracted by other things." said Dr. Susan Maynard a school psychologist.
A child with a low emotional intelligence is sometimes described as isolated, angry or fearful - a child who does not make friends easily or has no friends.
Goleman and Maynard say the good news is that emotional intelligence can be taught.
Maynard says she is seeing more and more children, as young as 3-years old, who cannot control their anger or are impulsive. She says as they get older, the situation can worsen. She points to examples from across the country including the shootings at Columbine High School in Colorado to the murder of Jaime Gough at the hands of a fellow student at Southwood Middle School in Palmetto bay.
While schools are facing increasing pressure with the FCAT to concentrate on raising academic scores, experts say more needs to be done to teach skills related to emotional intelligence.
Psychologists say knowing one's emotions, self awareness, recognizing a feeling as it happens and managing emotions are all skills of emotional intelligence. Empathy is another important skill our children need to learn as is controlling emotions in order to obtain a goal. Finally, children need to be taught to be able to resolve conflicts by not acting impulsively and being able to come up with an answer to the problem.
Psychologist Dr. Candace Mihm believes, especially after Gough's murder, emotional intelligence needs to be taught as early as preschool.
"The schools can reinforce it and weave it into the subject's life lessons to stimulate discussion. It's important to teach the child to identify feelings and help him choose alternative responses," said Mihm.
A
social and emotional learning program has been fully implemented in schools across the country, like California, Illinois, New York and even as far away as Australia, but not here in Florida.
Miami-Dade and Broward County Schools do include some courses such as bullying or conflict resolution but say there are no plans to change the curriculum.
Parents wishing to do a little "
emotional coaching" at home are advised to follow
five simple steps.
- Become aware of the child's emotion
- Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching.
- Listen with empathy and validate the child's feelings.
- Help the child find words to label the emotion they are having
- Set limits while exploring strategies to solve the problem at hand.
Studies have found children whose parents have coached them with their emotions had fewer behavior problems and more positive feelings. Experts agree because with emotionally healthy children, it stands to reason that our society and its future will be brighter.
(© MMVIII, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.)